BRAINYQUOTE: QUICK QUOTES

•  Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard
• I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. Groucho Marx
• People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
• Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain
• I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. Will Rogers
• If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. Theodore Roosevelt
• Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. Jules Renard
• My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg
• Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey
• It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. Thomas Sowell
• I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill
• I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Douglas Adams
• We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. W. H. Auden
• Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. Thomas Szasz
• Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Charles Dudley Warner
• Cure for an obsession: get another one. Mason Cooley
• Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. Erma Bombeck
• Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. Albert Einstein
• Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams
• I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. Walt Disney
• No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. Abraham Lincoln
• I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. Bertrand Russell
• It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat. Arnold Schwarzenegger
• I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. Charles M. Schulz
• My life needs editing. Mort Sahl
• We are all born mad. Some remain so. Samuel Becket
• If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. Alice Roosevelt Longworth
• I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. Ron White
• It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Jerry Seinfeld
• They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. Clint Eastwood
• I never said most of the things I said. Yogi Berra
• A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. George Bernard Shaw
• The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around. Thomas A. Edison
• We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. W. H. Auden
• Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. Mae West
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Lana Turner
• There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. Henry Kissinger
• By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out. Richard Dawkin
• Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race. H. G. Wells
• I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. Herb Caen
• If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. William Lyon Phelps
• Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. Hedy Lamarr
• My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody Allen